Airline's New "Fly, Goddamnit" Campaign Not Taking Off

Chicago ( – Marketing executives from United Airlines said today they are still searching for just the right tone to lure the public back into the skies after their new… Read more

Intel Has Smaller Chips; AMD Has Smaller Employees

Sunnyvale, Cal. ( – In response to Intel’s statement that it will produce transistors only three atoms wide by 2005, rival chipmaker Advanced Micro Devices announced today that most of… Read more

Vision of Greenspan Sighted in Tree

Eckbridge, Pa. ( – Thousands of fiscally-orthodox bankers and economists gathered under a tree in this small southwestern Pennsylvania farm yesterday after three local girls claimed they saw a vision… Read more

Yahoo Beats Analysts' Estimates, Dogs

San Diego, Cal. ( – Internet giant Yahoo!, which this week soundly beat analysts’ estimates, reportedly wasn’t satisfied and beat analysts’ dogs as well. Some analysts even reported getting wedgies.… Read more


VENEZUELA V. IMF, ROUND I Caracas ( – In the face of increasing pressure from the International Monetary Fund to get its finances in order, the Venezuelan Finance Ministry announced… Read more

Lucent Stays Focused on Losing Money

Murray Hill, N.J. ( – In the most hopeful sign yet that the American economy may be returning to normal, Lucent Technologies posted another staggering quarterly loss on Tuesday. Lucent… Read more

GE Succession Losers Demand Recount

Fairfield, Conn. ( – The two General Electric executives who lost out when GE’s Jack Welch named Jeffrey Immelt to succeed him as CEO demanded that Welch recount his vote… Read more

Net Company to Hold Second IPO

San Francisco ( – PeoplePC, whose initial public offering bombed last month, said today its first IPO shouldn’t count, and urged investors to return their shares so the company can… Read more

Russian-Pizza Hut Rocket Explodes; Thin Crust Blamed

Astana, Kazakhstan ( – The Pizza Hut-sponsored Russian rocket carrying international space station equipment exploded while in orbit today, just days after its launch. Russian Space Agency officials immediately blamed… Read more


DEC 11 St. Louis ( – Anheuser-Busch, the nation’s largest alcoholic beverage producer, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy yesterday after Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan reportedly switched his drink… Read more
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