AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to their guns eventually being taken away, Americans today rushed to buy more guns that… Read more

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as the Republican presidential frontrunner finished an explosive rant against Muslims, immigrants, minorities and the media… Read more

BEN CARSON INSISTS HE SO BAD HE FUCKED YOUR MOTHER

DES MOINES, IOWA (SatireWire.com) -- With skepticism mounting over his claims of juvenile delinquency, Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson today issued the most self-damning evidence yet, insisting that not only… Read more

BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After repeatedly being labeled a dictator by Republicans and conservative media, President Obama today reluctantly agreed to become the Emperor of America they insisted he already… Read more

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

NEW JERSEY (SatireWire.com) – A new poll shows nine in 10 Americans support a mandatory quarantine for someone who has been in close contact with Ebola patients, even if it… Read more

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, armed with X-Acto knives, scalloped-edge scissors and dual-temperature cordless glue guns, swarmed across… Read more

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical experts’ are racing to be the first to market with a passably credible 'Ebola vaccine'… Read more

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson on Wednesday, saying he looked forward to both finding a successor and for once not… Read more

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed Thursday’s vote for Scottish independence was an elaborate ruse meant to root out Scottish… Read more

GOD DEFENDS SCENES OF SEX, VIOLENCE IN LIFE ON EARTH

EDINBURGH (SatireWire.com) – The Lord God Almighty, executive producer of the long-running Life on Earth, has defended its often graphic scenes of violence, sex and abuse, arguing that His job… Read more
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