WITH MORE TIME TO SHOP, THE UNEMPLOYED SHOULD BOOST HOLIDAY SALES, SAYS GOVERNMENT

Bush Urges Unemployed to Be Patriotic, Stay Unemployed Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – A bleak jobless claims report released Thursday put the number of out of work Americans at its highest… Read more

PHILIP MORRIS TO CHANGE NAME TO ALTRIA; LUNG CANCER TO CHANGE NAME TO PHILIP MORRIS

Rebranded Disease Gains Universal Negative Brand Imagery New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Just days after Philip Morris declared it will change its name to the Altria Group, lung cancer today… Read more

SEGWAY TO SPREAD CLASSIC AMERICAN LOOK

Big, Slow, Unwilling to Go Short Distances Under Own Power In Europe, the product will be sold under the name SegWeight Madrid, Spain (SatireWire.com) – Thrilled by the new Segway… Read more

INVENTOR UNVEILS MACHINE THAT'S NOT A GODDAMN SCOOTER, OK?

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – After a year of intense speculation and unprecedented hype, inventor Dean Kamen on Monday unveiled the “It’s Not a Goddamn Scooter, OK?”, a revolutionary transportation… Read more

BIN LADEN FEARED TO HAVE SEGWAY SCOOTER

Has Threatened to Produce Transportation Device of Mass Distribution Kandahar, Afghanistan (SatireWire.com) – U.S. forces searching an abandoned Al Qaeda hideout today said they found diagrams of skateboards, gyroscopic technology,… Read more

CONGRESS FORBIDS ECONOMY TO RECOVER UNTIL CONGRESS PASSES BILL TO HELP ECONOMY RECOVER

“Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott, the Republican leader, said he thought that `we need to fish or cut bait (on a stimulus package) this coming week’ because there are indications the… Read more

ENRON ADMITS IT'S REALLY ARGENTINA

Now Massive Ineptitude, Corruption Make More Sense, Analysts Say Houston, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Energy company Enron, which collapsed due to gross mismanagement and insurmountable debt, today confessed to what many… Read more

AMAZING NEW "SEGWAY HUMAN TRANSPORTER" APPARENTLY NOT CHECKED FOR ACRONYM

( If You’d Prefer a More Subtle Version of This Story, Click Here) Honestly, We’re Not Making This SHT Up Manchester, N.H (SatireWire.com) – After a year-long buildup during which… Read more

AMAZING NEW "SEGWAY HUMAN TRANSPORTER" APPARENTLY NOT TESTED FOR ACRONYM

( If You’d Prefer a Less Subtle Version of This Story, Click Here) Honestly, We’re Not Making This SHT Up Manchester, N.H (SatireWire.com) – After a year-long buildup during which… Read more

( If You’d Prefer a Less Subtle Version of This Story, Click Here) AMAZING NEW “SEGWAY HUMAN TRANSPORTER” APPARENTLY NOT TESTED FOR ACRONYM Honestly, We’re Not Making This SHT Up… Read more
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