MAD COWS USE CELL PHONES

Researchers Claim Discovery Solves Mystery Disease Kent, England (SatireWire.com) – In another blow to the cellular industry, British scientists studying Mad Cow disease claim to have discovered the source of… Read more

MEDIA CONVICTS MEDIA OF UNFAIRLY CONVICTING MEDIA IN MEDIA

Media Site Inside.com to Launch InsideInside.com to Cover Itself Covering Itself New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In what the media termed a “healthy display of detached introspection,” the media today… Read more

REVOLUTION COMES AT INCONVENIENT TIME

Lack of Bourgeoisie Cooperation, Strong TV Lineup, Turn Back Universal Uprising Everywhere (SatireWire.com) – The long-awaited Revolution, when the oppressed and disenfranchised break the chains of economic servitude and social… Read more

DELL FONDLY "RECALLS" LAPTOP BATTERIES

Replacing Faulty Inspiron Battery More Hazardous Than Thinking About It Round Rock, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Dell Computer, which on Thursday said it would recall nearly 300,000 faulty notebook computer batteries,… Read more

FACTORY ORDERS PLUNGE; "MOST CONSUMERS CAN'T AFFORD FACTORIES" CITED AS POSSIBLE REASON

“Factory Orders Plunge 7.5 Percent” – AP Headline, 9/01/00 Factories Also Can’t Be Purchased Online, Say Analysts WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The Commerce Department yesterday reported that U.S. factory orders… Read more

LAID OFF SECURITY GUARD ESCORTS SELF FROM BUILDING

Watches Himself “Like Hawk” to Make Sure No Corporate Secrets Stolen San Francisco (SatireWire.com) – Thirty-two-year-old security guard Eddie Dupree, laid off yesterday from semiconductor firm Broadcom, gave himself an… Read more

ATLANTA NOW LESS BUSY, FINALLY HAS TIME TO HATE

Business Slowdown Frees Up Time to Take Part in Prejudice, Discrimination Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new federal report, Atlanta, which has long billed itself as the racially… Read more

SMALL INVESTORS URGED TO LEAVE PANIC TO PROFESSIONALS

“Market watchers blame much of last week’s sell-off on institutional investors. Some mutual fund managers are selling out to raise cash just in case more individual investors cash out in… Read more

JUSTICE TO BREAK UP APPLE FOR TURNING MICROSOFT INTO MONOPOLY

Alternative OS Maker Used Anti-Competitive Practices Against Itself Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department Friday announced a settlement in their landmark anti-trust case that calls for… Read more

ANTI-TERROR BILL REQUIRES AMERICANS TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP

F.B.I. Predicts New Microsoft OS May Render Carnivore Obsolete Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – President Bush signed sweeping anti-terrorism legislation Friday that gives police unprecedented ability to search and eavesdrop by… Read more
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