Big, Slow, Unwilling to Go Short Distances Under Own Power
|In Europe, the product will be sold under the name SegWeight
Madrid, Spain (SatireWire.com) – Thrilled by the new Segway Human Transporter’s ability to eliminate short walks to the store, school, or office, consumers from Spain to Singapore say they will now have the opportunity, not just to dress or act like Americans, but to weigh like Americans.
“For many years I have enjoyed American television and fashions and music, but I have never had the ability to actually resemble an American because I always walked or rode a bicycle and could never gain the necessary weight,” said advertising executive Andres Puntera. “But With the Segway, I can make my daily four-mile round trip to the market and not burn a single calorie.”
Added Madrid housewife Maria Escondida, who is a self-professed USAphile: “I wear Nikes and drink Coca-Cola and listen to The Grateful Dead, but the extra 20 pounds will really complete my look.”
Americans like Boston-based software engineer Paul Bloamwitz, however, say they are up for the international competition.
“I’m going to ride my Segway to the gym,” he said.
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