IN NEW SPACE RACE, U.S. VOWS TO MATCH RUSSIAN FAILURES

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) – NASA will begin sabotaging its own rockets in an effort to keep up with longtime space foe Russia, which has taken a huge lead by losing no… Read more

DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO USE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS; WORLD ENDS MARCH 11

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- The Doomsday Clock, which gauges threats to humanity and is now set at just 5 minutes to midnight, will “spring forward” one hour in March to account… Read more

EARTH'S WARRANTY EXPIRES

THE HAGUE (SatireWire.com) -- As if the ravages of war, climate change, and a weak global economy weren’t bad enough, officials today announced that Earth’s warranty has expired. Read more

58 PERCENT OF AMERICANS' FANTASIES NOW APPLE-RELATED

BLOOMINGTON, IN. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new study, 58 percent of Americans' fantasies are now Apple-related. Read more

U.S. SETS SWEAT PRODUCTION RECORD

ST. LOUIS (SatireWire.com) – America’s sweltering summer of 2011 does have a bright side: U.S. sweat production is at record highs. Read more

U.S. THROWS ANOTHER HUNK OF METAL INTO SKY

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL (SatireWire.com) – The United States has thrown a giant hunk of metal at the sky again, according to mystified witnesses who watched it disappear in a cloud… Read more

CNN URGES VIEWERS NOT TO SEND INCREDIBLE TORNADO FOOTAGE

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) – News network CNN again today urged amateur stormchasers not to video tornadoes but instead seek shelter immediately, a warning they reinforced by repeatedly showing footage from amateur… Read more

LIFE TURNS OUT TO BE ABOUT THE DESTINATION

BOSTON (SatireWire.com) -- Interviews with more than 1,000 people moments before they died revealed that contrary to popular wisdom, life is actually about the destination, not the journey, and the… Read more

"CREEPED OUT" PLAYSTATION HACKERS RETURN IDENTITIES

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) -- Just two weeks after breaching the Sony Playstation Network database, hackers today returned the nearly 80 million stolen identities, saying many of them were so… Read more

IPHONE SECRETLY TRACKING HOW DULL YOUR LIFE IS

CUPTERINO, CAL. (SatireWire.com) -- Apple iPhones secretly track and record their owners’ location, a potentially devastating privacy breach that experts warn could force people to face the fact that they… Read more
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