NEWLY DISCOVERED PLANETS SEEM TO BE UNHAPPY WE FOUND THEM

LIEGE, BELGIUM (SatireWire.com) -- In an astounding development, scientists say the seven newly discovered exoplanets in a nearby constellation seem to be aware they have been found, and are not… Read more

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of disappearing, according to environmentalists who accuse Apple of recklessly clear-cutting the uniquely adaptable metallic tree. Read more

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously thought, reaching their conclusion after a massive slab of glacier fell into the… Read more

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today they have discovered a galaxy formed at the very beginning of time, nearly 6,000 years ago. Read more

HACKED FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS MAY EXPLAIN BILLIONS OF INANE POSTS

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Investigators who learned hackers stole millions of user passwords from Facebook and other sites said today account hijacking may finally explain the massive number of… Read more

MYSTERY DISEASE AFFECTS ONE IN NEARLY EVERY HUMAN BEING

ATLANTA (SatireWire) -- It is known by many names: Common Fulgent Peplepsia, The Kitchen Dropsy, Male Pattern Balls Cup, Mazelcoffin, and Screamy Screamy Run Run, but one thing is certain:… Read more

NASA TURNS OFF SPACE TELESCOPES, GOES OUTSIDE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Saying everyone had spent more than enough time sitting in front of computer screens and TV monitors, NASA today abruptly turned off all its space telescopes… Read more

DESIGNER #HASHTAGS THE LATEST TREND IN TRENDING

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – The common #hashtag, once the telltale sign of what’s hot online, is on the way out. In its place, the designer hashtag – bold, colorful,… Read more

INTO THE GREAT ABOVE: THE CICADA STORY

There are a billion stories in cicada city. Some of them are long and some of them are short. Well, actually, all of them are short. Relatively. They're cicadas, not… Read more

INDIGENOUS MARTIANS THRILLED AT PROSPECT OF BEING COLONIZED

OUT THERE (SatireWire.com) – Word that a private aerospace company is launching a mission to colonize Mars has reached the Red Planet, where the local life forms say they're thrilled… Read more
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