APPEALS COURT RULES MICROSOFT NEEDS MORE TIME TO KILL OFF COMPETITORS

Netscape Knocked Off During First Trial Phase, Oracle Will Take Longer Washington, D.C. (SatireWire) – A federal appeals court Thursday reversed the Microsoft breakup and sent the case back to… Read more

HOW TO SPOT A FAKE PRESS RELEASE

NEW HAVEN, CONN. (SatireWire.com) – Investors learned a brutal lesson last week, when a false press release sent stock in data networking company Emulex down more than 50 percent. The… Read more

Hooked On Phonics Files for I Pee Oh

San Francisco (SatireWire.com) – Gateway Learning Corporation, maker of Hooked On Phonics, said today it will spin off its language teaching arm in an in-ish-ul pub-lik aw-fer-ing, or I Pee… Read more

Companies May Be to Blame For Their Poor Performances

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a study that has infuriated business and public relations executives, University of Pennsylvania researchers concluded the reason many companies falter is not due to the… Read more

Microsoft Wants Case Heard By OJ Jury

Washingon, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a clarifying brief, Microsoft today urged the Supreme Court not to hear its antitrust case, but to send it to the jury from the O.J.… Read more

Post Office Leading the Way In New "Paper Technology"

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. Postal Service’s plan to print customer emails and send them as more expensive first-class mail may be the “tip of the iceberg,” according to… Read more

MP3 TO STEAL, SELL YOUR STUFF

San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Stunned that a court ruled its unauthorized distribution of music through an online database broke copyright laws, MP3.Com announced this morning it still believes in… Read more

GERBIL CRUELTY DENIED

Kent, Conn. (Satirewire.com) – Online retailer Outpost.com, which last year ran controversial TV commercials showing gerbils being fired from a cannon, claimed today it never used actual gerbils. Instead, Outpost… Read more

RECORD 75 MILLION AMERICANS NOW PRETENDING THEY OWN THEIR OWN HOMES

Low Interest Rates Help Many Fulfill The American (Banker’s) Dream Minneapolis, Minn. (SatireWire.com) – Showing no ill effects from a weak economy, housing numbers released by the National Association of… Read more

ATONING FOR MISTAKES, ANDERSEN FINALLY DOES RIGHT THING, CHANGES COMPANY NAME

“Those Guys Were a Disgrace. Thank God We’re Not Them,” Say Probitium Execs Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a strong sign that accounting firm Arthur Andersen finally understands the extent… Read more
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