BOLD "NEW ECONOMY" DESERVES BOLD "NEW RECESSION"

Network Efficiencies Could Lead to Prolonged “Dream Recession,” Say Experts CAMBRIDGE, MASS. (SatireWire.com) – Economic theorists and high tech executives today predicted a downturn in the unprecedented New Economy will… Read more

DELL SUPPORTS EXTENDING GATEWAY AMNESTY

Gateway Denies Amnesty Exists; Dell Says Just Trying to Help Round Rock, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Dell Computer today said it supports extending the amnesty period for anyone possessing a Gateway… Read more

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

Formula Explains Behavior of Internet, Consumers, even Shopping Malls CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND. (SatireWire.com) – Why do Americans consume so much? What do glazed doughnuts have to do with the Internet’s rapid… Read more

Amazon Turns Profit, Say Flying Pigs

Seattle, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Pigs flying over the frozen landscape of hell reported that online retailer Amazon.com turned in the first profit in its history on Tuesday, just moments after… Read more

Kozmo.com to Lay Off Staff in Under an Hour

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Kozmo.com, which promises quick delivery of food, music, videos and more, pledged to match the immediacy of its urban delivery service by laying off its… Read more

Parker Bros. Replaces Monopoly Money With Cheaper Euro

Beverly, Mass. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to cut production costs associated with its famous Monopoly board game, Parker Brothers announced today it will replace its colorful play dollars with… Read more

Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Small technology companies weren’t nimble enough on Wall Street yesterday, taking another pounding as investors once again favored the stocks of big, lumbering, stupid companies.… Read more

TEARS, ANGER ON EMOTIONAL DAY FOR STOCKS

Kansas City, Mo. (Satirewire.com) – Bullish remarks by Sprint Communications caused the entire telecom sector to rise in sympathy yesterday, while energy stocks vacillated between empathy and apathy for transportation… Read more

OUR BOEING WHO ART IN HEAVEN

Chicago (Satirewire.com) – United Airlines said it will fight a 9th District Appeals Court ruling yesterday that grants pilots and flight attendants the right to lead passengers in prayer during… Read more

AMERICANS ANNOYED BY "ALL THIS INTERNATIONAL SHIT" ON INTERNET

Web’s Increasingly Worldly Flavor Threatens Americans’ Worldview PULLMAN, WASH. (SatireWire.com) – The profusion of international news available on the Internet has made it increasingly difficult for the average American to… Read more
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