DOT-COMS "JUST KIDDING" ABOUT BEING DOT-COMS, SAY DOT-COMS

Profitless Internet Firms Insist They’re Unfairly Labeled as Profitless Internet Firms SAN JOSE, CAL. (SatireWire.com) – Arguing they are being unfairly labeled as money-losing dot-coms, nearly 400 money-losing dot-coms announced… Read more

Juno, NetZero Merger to Create Largest ISP To Someday Declare Bankruptcy

Los Angeles (SatireWire.com) – Struggling rivals Juno Online and NetZero announced a $70 million merger Thursday, instantly creating what will be the nation’s No. 2 Internet access provider, and the… Read more

Microsoft Hacker Still A Mystery; Sun Releases Sun Office, Sun 2000

Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Microsoft executives continued to insist today that whoever hacked into their computer system did not gain access to the source codes of its major products. However,… Read more

Lucent Finds New COO On Stock Message Boards

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Lucent Technologies today announced it has ended its search for a new chief operating officer with the surprise hiring of Stockpicker_Dude_78, a frequent poster on… Read more

Airlines Drop Arrival, Departure Times

Newark, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – Responding to a dramatic rise in complaints over flight delays, several major airlines announced today they will no longer attach “stress-inducing” numbers to arrival and departure… Read more

SHARP SHEEP

Leeds, England (SatireWire.com) – The British Beef Export Council, finally conceding it cannot guarantee the eradication of Mad Cow Disease, announced today it will discontinue cow production and instead promote… Read more

INVESTORS QUESTION "ELVIS," "DONALD DUCK," "TUPAC" SIGNATURES ON CORPORATE OATHS

CEOs Blame Rush to File for Accidentally Signing Wrong Names New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – While the SEC and President Bush lauded corporate executives for certifying their financial statements, investor… Read more

LAID OFF SECURITY GUARD ESCORTS SELF FROM BUILDING

Watches Himself “Like Hawk” to Make Sure No Corporate Secrets Stolen San Francisco (SatireWire.com) – Thirty-two-year-old security guard Eddie Dupree, laid off yesterday from semiconductor firm Broadcom, gave himself an… Read more

DOT-COM REFUGEES: LIFE IN CAMP ALPHA

Hope Dwindles for Thousands; Kozmo.com Gang Doing OK Since the fall of Internet stocks began in April, former dot-com employees, forced from their jobs, have made their way to Dot-Camp… Read more

AUCTION SITE SELLERS CHOOSE HINT OVER HYPE

“A ‘ wild abstract painting ‘ bought at a garage sale and auctioned off over the Internet with a starting bid of 25 cents sold for $135,805 in a bidding… Read more
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