FIORINA HAS SKILLS

Palo Alto, Cal. (Satirewire.com) – Speaking before a group of investment bankers, Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina yesterday announced that unlike the chief executives at competitors Compaq, Dell, Gateway, and… Read more

Wall Street Suffers Worst Setback Since Yesterday

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Stocks took another beating yesterday in what analysts are now calling the worst day on Wall Street since the day before yesterday. The Dow Jones… Read more

Dean Witter to Measure Success By Tracking Revenues, Expenses

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After a three-year battle, the Securities & Exchange Commission today ordered brokerage firm Morgan Stanley Dean Witter to stop measuring success “one investor at a time,”… Read more

SatireWire to Lay Off Half of Staff

New Haven, Conn. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to appear in sync with the Internet economy, online humor site SatireWire today announced it will lay off 50 percent of its… Read more

Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn… Read more

IMF Rate Hike Suggestion Proves Hike Not Needed

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In what analysts are calling “a definitive sign” that Fed rate hikes have indeed quelled the U.S. economy and are no longer necessary, the International Monetary… Read more

COLA WARS

Atlanta (Satirewire.com) – Despite pressure from shareholders and the company’s public relations department, Coca-Cola chairman and CEO Douglas Daft continues to go by the name Douglas Daft. Purchase, N.Y. (Satirewire.com)… Read more

Martha Stewart Says Laws Only Apply To People

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In a deft legal maneuver, lawyers representing Martha Stewart todaydemanded that investigations of the uber domestician be dropped, pointing out that U.S. securities laws only… Read more

Longtime Bear Thinks He's Hot Shit Now

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Brian Hogan, a perennial Wall Street bear who has been predicting a stock market decline since early 1997, is acting like a complete ass now… Read more

Company Spokespeople Say Combined Merger Won't Lead to Surplus Excess of Redundant, Overlapping Spokespeople Job Positions

Redwood City, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – Spokespersons for Phone.com and Software.com, which plan to merge in a $6.4 billion deal, insisted today the combined merger won’t lead to a surplus excess… Read more
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