Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn… Read more

OPEC RELENTS, WILL "SUCK EARTH DRY"

Dubai, United Arab Emirates (Satirewire.com) – In the face of worldwide anger over steep oil prices, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries today voted to increase production to 50 billion… Read more

'GRAY LADY' NO LADY

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Boasting “The Gray Lady is a lady no more,” Howard Stern’s Private Parts Media Corp. announced today it will buy The New York Times and… Read more

Martha Stewart Says Laws Only Apply To People

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In a deft legal maneuver, lawyers representing Martha Stewart todaydemanded that investigations of the uber domestician be dropped, pointing out that U.S. securities laws only… Read more

Longtime Bear Thinks He's Hot Shit Now

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Brian Hogan, a perennial Wall Street bear who has been predicting a stock market decline since early 1997, is acting like a complete ass now… Read more

Company Spokespeople Say Combined Merger Won't Lead to Surplus Excess of Redundant, Overlapping Spokespeople Job Positions

Redwood City, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – Spokespersons for Phone.com and Software.com, which plan to merge in a $6.4 billion deal, insisted today the combined merger won’t lead to a surplus excess… Read more

Wrigley Launches "Internet Bubble" Gum®

Chicago, Ill. (SatireWire.com) – The world’s biggest chewing gum maker today unveiled Wrigley’s Internet Bubble Gum®, the “irrationally overpriced gum” that produces an “unsustainably large” bubble. The gum, which went… Read more

Airlines "Dismayed" by Mid-Air Merger Test

Elk Grove, Ill. (SatireWire.com) – The pending merger of United Airlines and U.S. Air hit a snag yesterday after a planned mid-air collision between United and U.S. Air jets suggested… Read more

FONDA PICKED UP

Santa Clara, Cal. (Satirewire.com) – In its much-anticipated response to AOL’s buyout of both Time Warner and Ted Turner’s TBS, Yahoo announced this morning it will acquire actress Jane Fonda.… Read more

Your Work Habits Explained

New Haven, Conn. (SatireWire.com) – Stick with us for a moment while we explain your situation. According to the latest jobless statistics, 6 percent of Americans are unemployed, meaning that… Read more
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