Telecom Merger Will Create First "Single Phone Company"

San Antonio, Texas (SatireWire.com) – In a landmark decision expected to create an unprecedented “single, nationwide phone company,” a federal judge yesterday approved the merger of BellSouth, SBC, Sprint, Verizon,… Read more

Greenspan "I'm More Popular Than Jesus"

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan, who told a London Evening Standard reporter last week he was “more popular than Jesus Christ,” apologized today to the… Read more

AIRLINE CUTS COCKPIT CHATTER

Newark, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – Continental Airlines, concerned over studies linking car phone use to traffic accidents, today moved to preempt similar incidents in the sky by banning the use of… Read more

Consumer Reports Says Consumer Reports Unsafe

Yonkers, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Consumer Reports today issued a product safety warning on Consumer Reports, saying the popular magazine can easily overturn, has been linked to numerous hand lacerations, and… Read more

European Central Bank to Intervene in Football Matches

Frankfurt, Germany (SatireWire.com) – In a surprising tactical shift, the frustrated European Central Bank announced yesterday it will no longer intervene to bolster the sagging euro, but will instead intervene… Read more

Lieberman Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com

Austin, Texas (SatireWire.com) – In an apparent effort to win support from the Internet industry, Democratic vice presidential candidate Joseph Lieberman sat shiva yesterday with executives of online furniture retailer… Read more

Big Tobacco Can't Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

Miami, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Tobacco companies insisted today the record $145 billion verdict against them will bankrupt the industry, but victorious plaintiffs refused to let the enemy off the hook… Read more

MEDIA METRIX CHANGES MEASUREMENT TERMS

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Internet audience measurement firm Media Metrix, seeking to differentiate itself from competitors NetRatings and PC Data, announced yesterday it will no longer use the term… Read more

Juno, NetZero Merger to Create Largest ISP To Someday Declare Bankruptcy

Los Angeles (SatireWire.com) – Struggling rivals Juno Online and NetZero announced a $70 million merger Thursday, instantly creating what will be the nation’s No. 2 Internet access provider, and the… Read more

Microsoft Hacker Still A Mystery; Sun Releases Sun Office, Sun 2000

Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Microsoft executives continued to insist today that whoever hacked into their computer system did not gain access to the source codes of its major products. However,… Read more
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