HACKED FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS MAY EXPLAIN BILLIONS OF INANE POSTS

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Investigators who learned hackers stole millions of user passwords from Facebook and other sites said today account hijacking may finally explain the massive number of… Read more

U.S. STUDENTS SAY MATH TESTS UNFAIRLY INCLUDE MATH QUESTIONS

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) — U.S. high school students, whose recent math and science scores again fell behind their international peers, claim the tests are inherently unfair as they include questions… Read more

JFK: PLEASE STOP FOCUSING ON THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE

(SatireWire.com) – So, today the entire country is observing the 50th anniversary of the day I was assassinated. In other words, out of every day I was on Earth, out… Read more

NOW YOU CAN EAT THANKSGIVING DINNER AT WALMART

BENTONVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – An unapologetic Walmart today announced Black Friday sales will begin during Thanksgiving dinner and invited customers to eat the meal in their stores, arguing that spending… Read more

FORD ADMITS HE ALSO MIGHT HAVE MURDERED GUY IN DRUNKEN STUPOR

TORONTO (SatireWire.com) – Embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford today admitted to smoking crack cocaine “in one of my drunken stupors,” but refused to resign, insisting he has many types of… Read more

FROM OBAMACARE TO ABE-OLITION: LANDMARK LAW ROLLOUT FAILURES

(SatireWire.com) -- Americans are furious over the inept rollout of Obamacare, but landmark legislation has a history of early backfires. Even the Emancipation Proclamation stuttered, initially succeeding only in emancipating… Read more

U.N. TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR ‘GREATEST NATION ON EARTH’ JOB

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – The United Nations today admitted it has begun accepting applications for the job of “Greatest Nation on Earth,” a position the United States seems intent… Read more

U.S. OFFERS TO WASH DISHES, MOW LAWNS TO PAY OFF BILL

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to reassure nervous creditors, the U.S. today unveiled a backup plan for paying off its debts, promising to wash 100 trillion dishes as… Read more

CONGRESS FITTED WITH CONDOM SO IT CAN SCREW AMERICA SAFELY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Public health officials sheathed the Capitol Dome in a 55,000-square-foot latex condom today, explaining that if Congress is going to screw the country, it should at… Read more

GIDDY GOP NOW WANTS REPEAL OF CIVIL RIGHTS ACT, TREATY OF GHENT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Giddy after successfully shutting down government over a 2010 health care law they dislike, Republicans today said the White House must also now agree to repeal… Read more
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