AL-QAEDA LIBERALS DEMAND "LIFE IN PRISON TO THE WEST"

Citing High Recidivism Rates, However, Conservatives Still Call for Death Hindu Kush, Pakistan (SatireWire.com) – Arguing the death penalty has not proven to be an effective deterrent, the staunchly liberal… Read more

YOU'LL HAVE TO GO

“US Jobless Claims Hit 19-Year High” – Financial Times, May 30, 2002 “US Productivity Rate Best in 19 Years” – AP, May 31, 2002 Productivity and Unemployment Both Going Up,… Read more

MEN DO TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

You Just Have to Know How to Listen New Haven, Conn. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new study, young women speak more frequently and frankly about sex and sex-related subjects… Read more

FBI ACCUSED OF PASSING SECRETS TO U.S.

Information Could Haven Fallen into Wrong Hands, Such as FBI Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an alarming breakdown of internal security, the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation today was accused… Read more

GREENPEACE WILL NOW OPPOSE EVERYTHING

Wendy Is Not a Dolphin, But Robert Is “It’s all bad, it all needs to stop,” said a Greenpeace spokesperson, who added the group will no longer send out action… Read more

OBESE PASSENGERS DEMAND RIGHT TO EAT PERSON IN NEXT SEAT

“Southwest Airlines is under fire for its policy of charging overweight passengers for two tickets if they spill over into their neighbor’s seat.” – AP, June 20, 2002 Policy Would… Read more

TERRORISTS MARRYING FOREST SERVICE WORKERS

“A U.S. Forest Service worker admitted sparking the biggest wildfire in Colorado history when she burned a letter from her estranged husband in the bone-dry Pike National Forest a week… Read more

EDUCATORS FIGHT TO PROTECT SELF-ESTEEM OF GOOFY LOSER KIDS

“In this game, there is a ‘victim’ or ‘It,’ which creates a self-esteem issue. The oldest or biggest child usually dominates.” – A California school principal explaining why the game… Read more

BUSH LAYS OUT TOUGH TERMS FOR PALESTINE TO MAKE WORLD CUP BY 2006

Arab Neighbors Suddenly Opposed to New Country in Qualifying Rounds Kananaskis, Canada (SatireWire.com) – U.S. President George Bush today said Palestinians should elect new leaders and adopt sweeping reforms if… Read more

OVEREAGER, CANADA SENDS SMOKESCREEN OVER U.S. BEFORE CANADIAN INVASION PLANS FINISHED

“Propelled by strong winds from the north, the fires have created a plume of smoke from Michigan to Massachusetts that’s visible as far south as Washington, D.C.” – National Post,… Read more
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