St. Louis (Satirewire.com) – Anheuser-Busch, the nation’s largest alcoholic beverage producer, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy yesterday after Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan reportedly switched his drink order from a Michelob Lite to a dry martini while at a Georgetown restaurant. Olive futures soared on the news.
Los Angeles (Satirewire.com) – Geffen Records signed the always controversial “Godfather of Soul,” James Brown, to a $94 million, two-album deal after published reports claimed Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan got out of the shower Tuesday morning and told his wife, “I feel good.”
Boston, Mass. (Satirewire.com) – Michael C. Hawley, chairman and chief executive officer of The Gillette Company, was summarily executed this morning after Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan reportedly nicked himself with a Gillette MACH3 razor.
Washington, D.C. (Satirewire.com) – An 18th Century hickory rocker was condemned to Hell yesterday after Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan reportedly stubbed his toe on the chair and was unable to stifle a cry of “Goddamnit!”
Washington, D.C. (Satirewire.com) – The sun, which rose this morning, will in all likelihood set this evening if, as expected, Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan does not oppose it.
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