Dallas, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Exxon Mobil Chief Executive Lee Raymond yesterday declared martial law in the United States, an act that automatically suspended the Bill of Rights and forced nearly 430,000 National Guard troops to patrol the streets of major American cities, which were placed under dusk to dawn curfews. Raymond rescinded the order this morning, explaining that he was only conducting a test.
“I just wanted to see if it was really true that we were running things now,” he said, adding, “Cool.”
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