Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Briefs in a Brief

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn it into a “God-fearing, gun-filled, sexless, Republican Internet” if elected.

Speaking at the GOP national convention, Bush also promised to introduce a bill requiring every computer on the network to be powered, not by “liberal, Gore-loving electricity,” but by safe, dependable oil.

“My friends, let me ask you, do you know what the Internet really is?” Bush said to the crowd. As no one seemed to know, Bush then went on to talk about Social Security and Medicare.

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