O.J. to Train Ground Troops

Miami, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Oft-acquitted celebrity O.J. Simpson, exonerated by a jury Wednesday after being charged with road rage, has been hired to train U.S. ground forces massing for a… Read more

Little Girl Picks Wrong Time to Fall In Well

Orem, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Six-year-old Jessica Waitley, who fell into an abandoned well Monday morning and has yet to be contacted by rescuers or the television media, conceded today that… Read more

Night Ranger Concert Nets $98 for Victims

Albany, Ga (SatireWire.com) – Once-famous rockers Night Ranger held a benefit concert in the Piedmont Taproom of the Albany Holiday Inn last night, donating all ticket proceeds from this stop… Read more

MP3.com Wins ABA Achievement Award

San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Online music distributor MP3.com joined Microsoft yesterday as the only high technology companies to win the coveted Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Bar Association.… Read more

Volvo With Spoiler Still Just Volvo

Columbus, Ohio (SatireWire.com) – Forty-two-year-old accounting executive Marvin Cohen had a rear spoiler installed on his four-door Volvo S80 sedan yesterday in the mistaken belief that it would somehow make… Read more

Sites Offer Large Print for Old People

Sarasota, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Reacting to new studies claiming people aged 55 and older are the fastest growing segment of new Internet users, hundreds of Web sites have begun offering… Read more

Report That Pessimists Die Sooner No Big Surprise to Pessimists

“People who are overly pessimistic tend to have worse health long-term than their more positive peers, US researchers report.” – Reuters, Aug. 13 New York (SatireWire.com) – A study issued… Read more

Friends Recall Gist of Cliffs Notes Founder

Lincoln, Neb. (SatireWire.com) – Cliffs Notes founder Clifton Hillegass, born 1918, founded Cliffs Notes 1958, sold in 1998, died Saturday, age 83. Hillegass served in Army, had idea for Cliffs… Read more

Michael Jackson Still Thinks He's Black

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Appearing with the Rev. Al Sharpton over the weekend, pop star Michael Jackson slammed the music industry for its treatment of black artists, saying generations… Read more

Californians Start Email Campaign for Energy Conservation

Sacramento, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Californians, faced with an energy crisis fueled by high-tech power consumption, have launched an email campaign urging fellow computer users to stay off their computers. Days… Read more
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