"YOU MUST SATISFY YOUR QUEEN"

Zoo Atlanta (SatireWire.com) -- Nations are at war. Economies are weak. Male strippers have officially entertained the Queen Mother. Humanity now faces, as Washington Irving once said so prophetically after… Read more

SCIENTISTS TO STUDY GIANT ASTEROIDS BY STEERING THEM INTO EARTH

London (SatireWire.com) -- Disappointed after failing to take advantage of Earth's relatively near miss with a large asteroid on Monday, scientists today excitedly unveiled what they called an "asteroid chute"… Read more

BUSH ASKS NON-U.S. OLYMPIANS TO UNITE BEHIND AMERICA BY FINISHING BEHIND AMERICA

“Get ready for a red, white and blue Olympics.” — Associated Press “Don’t Let Enemies of Freedom Celebrate Our Losses,” Says President Bush Park City, Utah (SatireWire.com) – Saying there… Read more

ARAFAT, SHARON WALK OFF SET OF "ISRAEL"

Temperamental Stars Say They’re Tired of Playing Dogmatic Jerks Jerusalem (SatireWire.com) – Sources on the set of “Israel,” history’s longest-running drama, say irascible stars Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Palestinian… Read more

FBI TO ISSUE 5-DAY TERROR FORECASTS

(Ed Note: One month after this story appeared on SatireWire, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security began issuing color-coded terrorist threat level advisories.) Recognizable Format Should Make It Easier for… Read more

FRENCH JUDGE GIVES TALIBAN WIN

Afghan Fighters’ Artistic Impression Marks Mysteriously Higher Salt Lake City, Utah (SatireWire.com) – Despite making what most observers agreed were “obvious technical errors,” such as surrendering, the Taliban were awarded… Read more

U.S. PROMISES TO CONSULT ALLIES BEFORE DOING WHAT IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY

Pledges Not to Move Alone Unless It Does Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult… Read more

AMERICANS OUTRAGED THAT CORPORATIONS CHEAT JUST LIKE THEY DO

“Companies Should Be More Honest,” Says Nation That Walks Away<br>Quickly If Inadvertently Given Too Much Change by Cashier New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – From Enron to Global Crossing, Andersen to… Read more

CHENEY DENIES PUBLIC REEMERGENCE MEANS BUSH THINKS HE'S EXPENDABLE

“Vice President Back in Circulation” – USA Today headline, Feb. 25, 2002 “Secret Service agents shopping for Olympics souvenirs lost a document detailing security plans for Vice President Dick Cheney’s… Read more

HOW TO CHANGE A SPARE GOVERNMENT

“Activating a Cold War-era plan, President Bush has put in place a (100-person) “shadow government” working in secret bunkers outside Washington in case of a catastrophic attack.” — Reuters, March… Read more
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