WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Bad-tempered deficit reduction talks hit bottom today as the White House and Republicans abandoned compromise and sunk to trading “Yo Mama’s So Fiscally Incompetent” barbs.
Negotiations seemed doomed from the outset as President Obama chided GOP leaders to grow up, and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told Obama he was impossible to work with. From there, the sides took aim at each other personally and parentally.
“Listen, you’re so fiscally incompetent, you think socialism is a group orgasm,” House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) told the President.
“Oh yeah?” Obama shot back, “well yo mama’s so fiscally incompetent she thinks the Federal Reserve is a national park.”
“Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, she thinks a treasury bond is a government agent,” McConnell declared.
“Oh snap!” shouted House Budget Chairman Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI).
From there the abuse flew fast and sharp.
OBAMA: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, she thinks a Roth IRA is a Jewish terrorist.”
MCCONNELL: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, when her lawyer said he wanted to amortize her assets, she turned around and said ‘Be gentle.’”
OBAMA: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, when her banker told her she could go into default she said, ‘You mean where you keep all the money?’”
BOEHNER: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, when her broker told her to short technology, she threw her toaster in the bathtub.”
OBAMA: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, when her broker told her to go long on futures, she ran till next year.“
RYAN: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent she wastes taxpayer dollars. Snap.”
BOEHNER: “Um… yeah. That’s not how it works, Ryan.”
RYAN: “What? That is fiscally incompetent.”
BOEHNER: “Right, but… Moving on. Who’s up?”
OBAMA: “Yo Mama’s up.”
BOEHNER: “Hit me.”
OBAMA: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, when her accountant tells her to send in her 1040, she mails the IRS a can of motor oil.”
BOEHNER: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent she thinks going on “the payroll” is what happens after you get released from “the prison.”
OBAMA: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, when she went to the window at the bank and saw the sign saying ‘Teller,’ she said, ‘Tell me what?’”
MCCONNELL: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, when the loan officer asked if she had any liabilities, she said ‘Yeah, I’m pretty good at lyin.’’
RYAN: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, she thinks tax hikes will solve the deficit problem.”
…
BOEHNER: “OK Ryan, you’re still not… look, just don’t talk, got it? I’m sorry Mr. President. In fact, I’m sorry that yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, she thinks a profit warning is when Moses gets mad.”
OBAMA: “I’m sorry yo mama’s so fiscally incompetent she thinks LLC is a rapper.”
MCCONNELL: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent she thinks stagflation is a really big bachelor party.”
OBAMA: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent she thinks Gross Domestic Product is the child of Arnold Schwarzenegger and that butt-ugly maid.”
RYAN: “Yo Mama’s so fiscally incompetent, she tried to report an artificially higher net income by understating inventory value and overstating cost of goods sold! Oh snap! That just happened!”
…
BOEHNER: “Seriously?”
RYAN: “Yeah, see, it’s incompetent because if you overstate the cost of goods sold…”
BOEHNER: “Just…shhh. OK? Shhh. Now whose turn is it?”
OBAMA: “Never mind. He’s ruined it.”
MCCONNELL: “Yeah, I’m outta here. Thanks a lot, Ryan.”
Copyright © 2011, SatireWire
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