Briefs in a Brief

Dubai, United Arab Emirates (Satirewire.com) – In the face of worldwide anger over steep oil prices, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries today voted to increase production to 50 billion barrels of oil per second, a pace which it said will “suck the Earth dry” within two weeks. “We will then go back to selling figs and dates,” said OPEC minister Shiek Mohammed Al-Ibrahim. “We will also ask the British to come in and solve our petty differences, and allow us to worship their great white queen.”

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