WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — The U.S. Secret Service today apprehended a man they said was attempting to scale the White House fence in order to break out.
Officials refused to name the extruder, but witnesses identified the man as Reinhold Richard “Reince” Priebus, 44, who serves as President Donald Trump’s chief of staff.
After his apprehension, the suspect vehemently denied he was trying to leave, according to police.
Secret Service spokesman Capt. Mark Leigh said the suspect repeatedly denied attempting to escape and intermittently laughed “at such a volume and tone” that officers became concerned with his mental state.
“At first the suspect would only mumble, ‘Flynn’s the lucky one,’ over and over,” said Leigh. “After calming down, he then said, and I quote, ‘Why would I want to leave? We’re making America… we’re making America… oh God, I forgot what I’m supposed to say! Please, I have a wife and children.”
“At this point the suspect fainted,” Leigh added.
According to the report, the fence-jumper was eventually taken back to a West Wing office and put under the direct care of senior Trump advisor Steve Bannon, who allegedly promised to treat Preibus, “just like he would any American.” Police confirmed that this statement, “caused the suspect to wet his pants.”
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