Intel Wants to Form Gintel Alliance; Greenspan Warns of “Ginger Bubble”
MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – Although only a handful of people know the secret identity of “Ginger” – a product that reportedly will be “more important than the World Wide Web,” and make its creator wealthier than Bill Gates – companies across the globe are gearing up for the new Ginger Economy, launching products and services they claim will “seamlessly integrate with the Ginger experience… whatever it is.”
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“I don’t want to reveal too much, but let’s just say we put the Gin in Ginger,” boasted Scott McNealy, CEO of Sun Microsystems. McNealy later conceded he hasn’t found out what Ginger is, exactly, but argued that like the Internet, “it isn’t what you know, but whether or not people perceive that you know.”
Merrill Lynch’s new Ginger analyst, Henry Blodget, agreed, and issued Strong Buy ratings on the entire Ginger sector, as soon as it forms.
So far, investors share his faith. Despite yesterday’s warning from Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan that a “Ginger Bubble” was forming, traders sent shares of Virginia-based VA Ginux up 113 points as investors were excited by the newly formed company’s pledge to “provide the best support and training for Ginger’s Linux capabilities… if, you know, it has any.”
In the most telling move, however, chipmaker Intel wasted little time dumping its partnership with Microsoft Windows – the so-called Wintel alliance – for what it’s already calling the Gintel alliance. “Whenever you hear the word ‘Ginger,’ we want you to think ‘Intel Inside,'” said Intel CEO Craig Barrett. “Unless it doesn’t have an inside.”
Meanwhile, the Internet’s governing body, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, is reviewing an emergency request to create a new Ginger domain, which would be rendered as .gin. Companies, however, are not waiting to pledge their allegiance.
“This time, we will not be left behind,” declared Juergen Schrempp, CEO of the recently renamed DaimlerGinger, which will retool its Chrysler factories to meet the expected demand for Ginger-related products. Asked for his reaction to claims that, far from being the next Internet, Ginger is simply a motorized scooter or, at best, nothing more than a media-driven phenomenon, Schrempp turned sarcastic. “Hmmm, let’s review,” he said. “Most people don’t understand it or know what it is. The media claims it will lead to untold riches. So tell me again, how this is different from the Internet?”
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