IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, POINT THAT OUT

“A fired dot-com worker can be an asset. Workers are even more hirable after having worked in a firm that struggled or did not make it. Prospective employers see it… Read more

IT'S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did… Read more

Martha Stewart Says Laws Only Apply To People

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In a deft legal maneuver, lawyers representing Martha Stewart todaydemanded that investigations of the uber domestician be dropped, pointing out that U.S. securities laws only… Read more

Longtime Bear Thinks He's Hot Shit Now

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Brian Hogan, a perennial Wall Street bear who has been predicting a stock market decline since early 1997, is acting like a complete ass now… Read more

Company Spokespeople Say Combined Merger Won't Lead to Surplus Excess of Redundant, Overlapping Spokespeople Job Positions

Redwood City, Calif. (SatireWire.com) – Spokespersons for Phone.com and Software.com, which plan to merge in a $6.4 billion deal, insisted today the combined merger won’t lead to a surplus excess… Read more

Wrigley Launches "Internet Bubble" Gum®

Chicago, Ill. (SatireWire.com) – The world’s biggest chewing gum maker today unveiled Wrigley’s Internet Bubble Gum®, the “irrationally overpriced gum” that produces an “unsustainably large” bubble. The gum, which went… Read more

OPEC RELENTS, WILL "SUCK EARTH DRY"

Dubai, United Arab Emirates (Satirewire.com) – In the face of worldwide anger over steep oil prices, the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries today voted to increase production to 50 billion… Read more

'GRAY LADY' NO LADY

New York, N.Y. (Satirewire.com) – Boasting “The Gray Lady is a lady no more,” Howard Stern’s Private Parts Media Corp. announced today it will buy The New York Times and… Read more

GIRLFRIEND ANNOUNCES DISAPPOINTING Q3 RESULTS

Relationship Falls Well Below Expectations New York, N.Y. (SatireWire) – Laura Feldstein (Brooklyn, 24) today announced disappointing results in her relationship with skeezing loser boyfriend Derek McHugh (Brooklyn, 27) for… Read more

POLICE ACCUSED OF CORPORACIAL PROFILING

With Crackdown Mandate, Cops Randomly Hassling "People of White Collar" New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- Statistically speaking, David Bates had all the earmarks of a potential criminal: he was well-groomed,… Read more
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