GERBIL CRUELTY DENIED

Kent, Conn. (Satirewire.com) – Online retailer Outpost.com, which last year ran controversial TV commercials showing gerbils being fired from a cannon, claimed today it never used actual gerbils. Instead, Outpost… Read more

RECORD 75 MILLION AMERICANS NOW PRETENDING THEY OWN THEIR OWN HOMES

Low Interest Rates Help Many Fulfill The American (Banker’s) Dream Minneapolis, Minn. (SatireWire.com) – Showing no ill effects from a weak economy, housing numbers released by the National Association of… Read more

ATONING FOR MISTAKES, ANDERSEN FINALLY DOES RIGHT THING, CHANGES COMPANY NAME

“Those Guys Were a Disgrace. Thank God We’re Not Them,” Say Probitium Execs Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a strong sign that accounting firm Arthur Andersen finally understands the extent… Read more

BOLD "NEW ECONOMY" DESERVES BOLD "NEW RECESSION"

Network Efficiencies Could Lead to Prolonged “Dream Recession,” Say Experts CAMBRIDGE, MASS. (SatireWire.com) – Economic theorists and high tech executives today predicted a downturn in the unprecedented New Economy will… Read more

DELL SUPPORTS EXTENDING GATEWAY AMNESTY

Gateway Denies Amnesty Exists; Dell Says Just Trying to Help Round Rock, Texas (SatireWire.com) – Dell Computer today said it supports extending the amnesty period for anyone possessing a Gateway… Read more

E=MC²: Quantum Consumer Theory

Formula Explains Behavior of Internet, Consumers, even Shopping Malls CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND. (SatireWire.com) – Why do Americans consume so much? What do glazed doughnuts have to do with the Internet’s rapid… Read more

Amazon Turns Profit, Say Flying Pigs

Seattle, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Pigs flying over the frozen landscape of hell reported that online retailer Amazon.com turned in the first profit in its history on Tuesday, just moments after… Read more

Kozmo.com to Lay Off Staff in Under an Hour

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Kozmo.com, which promises quick delivery of food, music, videos and more, pledged to match the immediacy of its urban delivery service by laying off its… Read more

Parker Bros. Replaces Monopoly Money With Cheaper Euro

Beverly, Mass. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to cut production costs associated with its famous Monopoly board game, Parker Brothers announced today it will replace its colorful play dollars with… Read more

Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Small technology companies weren’t nimble enough on Wall Street yesterday, taking another pounding as investors once again favored the stocks of big, lumbering, stupid companies.… Read more
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