Wall Street Suffers Worst Setback Since Yesterday

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Stocks took another beating yesterday in what analysts are now calling the worst day on Wall Street since the day before yesterday. The Dow Jones… Read more

Dean Witter to Measure Success By Tracking Revenues, Expenses

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After a three-year battle, the Securities & Exchange Commission today ordered brokerage firm Morgan Stanley Dean Witter to stop measuring success “one investor at a time,”… Read more

SatireWire to Lay Off Half of Staff

New Haven, Conn. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to appear in sync with the Internet economy, online humor site SatireWire today announced it will lay off 50 percent of its… Read more

Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn… Read more

IMF Rate Hike Suggestion Proves Hike Not Needed

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In what analysts are calling “a definitive sign” that Fed rate hikes have indeed quelled the U.S. economy and are no longer necessary, the International Monetary… Read more

COLA WARS

Atlanta (Satirewire.com) – Despite pressure from shareholders and the company’s public relations department, Coca-Cola chairman and CEO Douglas Daft continues to go by the name Douglas Daft. Purchase, N.Y. (Satirewire.com)… Read more

AMERICANS OUTRAGED THAT CORPORATIONS CHEAT JUST LIKE THEY DO

“Companies Should Be More Honest,” Says Nation That Walks Away<br>Quickly If Inadvertently Given Too Much Change by Cashier New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – From Enron to Global Crossing, Andersen to… Read more

MICROSOFT WILL ADMIT TO AFFAIR WITH LEWINSKY

Company, Like President, Indiscreet; Should Get Same Killer Deal, Says Ballmer Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) – Only hours after President Clinton struck a deal to avoid prosecution by admitting he lied… Read more

IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, POINT THAT OUT

“A fired dot-com worker can be an asset. Workers are even more hirable after having worked in a firm that struggled or did not make it. Prospective employers see it… Read more

IT'S OFFICIAL: EVERYBODY HATES MICROSOFT

Iowa Farm Girl, Last Holdout; Gives in After Talk with Preacher WATERLOO, IOWA (SatireWire.com) – Sixteen-year-old high school sophomore Becky Atherton, believed to be the last remaining American who did… Read more
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