Domino's-Sponsored Rocket Late, Probably Cold

Astana, Kazakhstan (SatireWire.com) – After yesterday’s explosion of the Russian rocket sponsored by Pizza Hut, (see story), the Russian Space Agency this morning launched its backup rocket, sponsored by Dominoes,… Read more

DRUNK REPORTERS RENAME NASDAQ

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – The National Association of Wall Street Journal and Lesser Business Reporters, frustrated that the erratic stock market precludes them from easily identifying it as bull… Read more

NATION HAVING HARD TIME GIVING SHIT ABOUT AOL-TIME WARNER MERGER

Largest Merger in Media History Seen as Historic, Revolutionary, Whatever DULLES, VA. (SatireWire.com) – Continually bombarded by news that the AOL-Time Warner merger would create the world’s first fully integrated… Read more

WITH MORE TIME TO SHOP, THE UNEMPLOYED SHOULD BOOST HOLIDAY SALES, SAYS GOVERNMENT

Bush Urges Unemployed to Be Patriotic, Stay Unemployed Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – A bleak jobless claims report released Thursday put the number of out of work Americans at its highest… Read more

SOMEDAY, WE'LL ALL LOOK BACK ON THIS AND LAUGH IN A DERISIVELY BITTER, DISILLUSIONED WAY

Sardonic, Resentful Laughter Awaits Dotcommers Who Let Go Anger, Says Report Palo Alto, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Whether you’ve lost your job at a dotcom or your money investing in one, … Read more

FED PRESCRIBES 'CONTROLLED BURN' OF DOT.COMS

Most Aggressive Move Yet Would Thin Out ‘Overgrown’ Sector WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Comparing the Internet to an uncontrolled and overcrowded forest, the Federal Reserve today authorized a “prescribed burn”… Read more

85 Percent of Nation's 2.9 Million Jobless Say They're Not Just Statistic

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a new Gallup poll on the dehumanizing aspects of job loss, nearly 85 percent of the nation’s 2.96 million unemployed said they “agreed somewhat” or… Read more

"Sponsorship Rectangles" Replace Banner Ads

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – In a surprise concession, the Internet Advertising Bureau today acknowledged the banner ad is dead, but expressed confidence that its latest innovation, “Sponsorship Rectangles,” will… Read more

Telecom Merger Will Create First "Single Phone Company"

San Antonio, Texas (SatireWire.com) – In a landmark decision expected to create an unprecedented “single, nationwide phone company,” a federal judge yesterday approved the merger of BellSouth, SBC, Sprint, Verizon,… Read more

Greenspan "I'm More Popular Than Jesus"

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan, who told a London Evening Standard reporter last week he was “more popular than Jesus Christ,” apologized today to the… Read more
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