DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO USE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS; WORLD ENDS MARCH 11

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- The Doomsday Clock, which gauges threats to humanity and is now set at just 5 minutes to midnight, will “spring forward” one hour in March to account… Read more

JESUS LEAVES BRONCOS, SIGNS WITH PATRIOTS

BOSTON (SatireWire.com) – Tired of living in Tim Tebow’s shadow, Jesus Christ left the Denver Broncos today and signed as a free agent with the New England Patriots, who will… Read more

CHINA TO MANUFACTURE CHEAPER AMERICAN BABIES

BEIJING (SatireWire.com) – In a further blow to U.S. manufacturing, China today announced it will produce American babies at one-tenth the cost of its U.S. counterparts. Read more

ANGRY, CAUSTIC GINGRICH FAULTS NEW POSITIVE GINGRICH

DES MOINES, IOWA (SatireWire.com) -- An angry, caustic Newt Gingrich today blamed his poor showing in the Iowa caucuses on the happy, positive Newt Gingrich that tried to win without… Read more

CAPTURED U.S. DRONE CONVERTS TO ISLAM

TEHRAN (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. drone captured by Iran earlier this month has converted to Islam, dashing American hopes to retrieve the unmanned aircraft. Read more

NATION’S TOP 1% AGREE TO TAX HIKE IN EXCHANGE FOR OTHER 99%

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – In a compromise to break government deadlock, the nation’s wealthiest 1 percent today agreed to allow their taxes to rise in exchange for the other 99… Read more

PENN STATE, SYRACUSE TO FACE OFF IN DENIAL BOWL

HOUSTON, TX (SatireWire.com) – Penn State and Syracuse will face each other in the inaugural BP-Herman Cain-Blackberry-Catholic Church Denial Bowl on Christmas morning, school officials announced today. Read more
Herman Cain and Michelle Bachmann

HERMAN CAIN INVITES BACHMANN TO REACH OUT FOR HIS BASE

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Hearing that Michele Bachmann wants his support for the job she seeks, former presidential candidate Herman Cain said he has invited the Minnesota congresswoman to meet… Read more

HURRICANE IRENE UNHAPPY WITH PATH THROUGH LIFE

MIAMI, FL (SatireWire.com) -- Hurricane Irene, barreling toward the U.S. East Coast, said today it is very unhappy with its projected path and would like to chart its own course… Read more

STUDY: 81% OF OUR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN WILL HATE US

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- An unsettling new study by the London School of Economics projects that 81 percent of our children's children will not only suffer for our inadequacies, but will… Read more
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