Big Tobacco Can't Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

Miami, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – Tobacco companies insisted today the record $145 billion verdict against them will bankrupt the industry, but victorious plaintiffs refused to let the enemy off the hook… Read more

WINDOWS NOT A VIRUS

Cupertino, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Symantec issued an apology to Microsoft yesterday after the security software maker’s AntiVirus Research Center issued an alert for a “widespread and lethal virus known to… Read more

Greenspan "I'm More Popular Than Jesus"

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan, who told a London Evening Standard reporter last week he was “more popular than Jesus Christ,” apologized today to the… Read more

Domino's-Sponsored Rocket Late, Probably Cold

Astana, Kazakhstan (SatireWire.com) – After yesterday’s explosion of the Russian rocket sponsored by Pizza Hut, (see story), the Russian Space Agency this morning launched its backup rocket, sponsored by Dominoes,… Read more

Russian-Pizza Hut Rocket Explodes; Thin Crust Blamed

Astana, Kazakhstan (SatireWire.com) – The Pizza Hut-sponsored Russian rocket carrying international space station equipment exploded while in orbit today, just days after its launch. Russian Space Agency officials immediately blamed… Read more

Yahoo Beats Analysts' Estimates, Dogs

San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – Internet giant Yahoo!, which this week soundly beat analysts’ estimates, reportedly wasn’t satisfied and beat analysts’ dogs as well. Some analysts even reported getting wedgies.… Read more

House Sends Spam Bill to Senate; Senate Spam Filter Deletes It

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The anti-spam bill passed by the U.S. House of Representatives Tuesday was sent to the Senate today, but the Senate’s spam filtering software automatically determined it… Read more

Starving, Dying Poor to Get Much-Needed Net Access

Okinawa, Japan (SatireWire.com) – The world’s poorest nations reacted with elation yesterday after learning the G-8 economic powers have pledged to bring them into the digital economy by wiring their… Read more

Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

San Jose, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – As part of the staff cuts it announced yesterday, online auction site eBay said it will not release its employees outright, but will auction them… Read more

Taco Bell Chihuahua Fired; New Chalupa "Tastes Funny"

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – One week after falling sales caused Taco Bell to ditch its famous Chihuahua, the company unveiled a reformulated chalupa, described as a “crispy, flaky shell… Read more
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