CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) — Appliance maker KitchenAid, chastised for sending a company tweet during the presidential debate that mocked the death of Barack Obama’s grandmother, found itself under the gun again today after an internal investigation discovered the firm sells a food processor that makes fun of your disabled friends, and a microwave oven that carries the warning: “Prolonged exposure to radiation may cause cancer like what killed your fat sister.”
“KitchenAid would like to apologize to the Obama family for the wholly inappropriate tweet sent by an employee, and to cancer sufferers and the overweight for the hurtful message apparently propagated by our ovens,” said KitchenAid spokewoman Martha Cabaye. “Also, at this time, we would like to preemptively apologize to ethnic minorities for what appears to be our line of racist toasters.”
Cabaye was referring to the BreadMaster 4-slice model, on which the traditional settings numbered 1 through 5, “seem to have been replaced by ‘White, Chinesey, Mexican, Black, and N.W.A.’”
In reaction to the backlash against KitchenAid, rival company Bosch said it will scrap plans to launch a new line of ScourSafe dishwashers that leave glasses, “so clean and sparkly it’s like something your gay brother would wear,” while Kenmore has recalled its TopYou gas stoves which include the label: “Please remember to turn the gas off unless you want to commit suicide like your best friend in high school oh quit crying about it she was a loser anyway so no biggie.”
On a positive note, KitchenAid did send out a tweet today announcing record sales of its 500 series wine refrigerators, noting they were, “perfect for alcoholics like ur father I mean ur real father u know the 1 who died in prison oh ha ha sorry thought u knew.”
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