With a Minimal Investment, Net Companies Finally Raking in Real Cash!
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DO NOT DELETE THIS! Print it, and read it! THIS “PROGRAM” REALLY WORKS!!
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A GENUINE PERSONAL NOTE FROM A PREVIOUS RECIPIENT OF THIS PROGRAM:
Let me tell you a little about myself. I ran a major public Internet company for 2 years. Then in April of 2000, business began falling off. We were doing the same things that were previously successful for us, but it just wasn’t working. Finally, I figured it out. It wasn’t our company, IT WAS THE MEDIA!
Well, with this program, YOU DON’T NEED THE MEDIA! You don’t need venture capital. You don’t even need those pesky customers or page views or advertisers! In short, your company can make as much money in the next few months as you boldly predicted it would two years ago! And it’s REAL MONEY! REAL PROFITS! Not just some spontaneously generated revenue projection you made up six minutes before that Wall Street Journal reporter called.
But as I was saying, my company was in bad shape. We had already laid off staff, and I was even on the verge of cutting my salary. IT WAS THAT BAD. But then, AT THAT MOMENT, I was sent this program, and my company’s finances were CHANGED FOREVER!
Initially I sent out 1,000 emails to other Internet companies, and within a week I received 260 envelopes, each stuffed with $5,000 IN CASH. By the next week, I received $5 million in cash, paid off ALL our corporate debts, rehired most of the staff, INCLUDING THE MASSEUSE AND THE JUGGLERS, and increased the marketing budget — ALL WITHOUT CHANGING OUR BUSINESS MODEL!
My DotCom is still in business, so I AM LIVING PROOF THAT IT WORKS!!!
How did I do it? READ ON!!!
p.s. — I’m telling you, it will change your company! With this program, YOU’LL BE PARTYING LIKE IT’S 1998-THROUGH-EARLY APRIL OF 2000! But remember, you must follow the instructions EXACTLY!!
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DON’T BE THE WEAK LINK! JOIN THE CHAIN! THIS IS NOT A CHAIN LETTER!
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INSTRUCTIONS:
This is what you MUST do:
1. Send $5,000.00 CASH, (No Stock Options!) to each of the Internet companies on the list below.
* Yes, this means you shell out $25,000, but surely you have that much hidden in your biz-dev budget? Or you could always lay off somebody in marketing.
2. Place your Internet company’s name at the bottom of the list, remove the company in the #1 position, and move the other companies up one space. (No cheating! You must put your name in the #10 position! Pets.com tried to sneak its name in at #2 and look what happened to it!!)
3. Send the email, with your company’s name AT THE BOTTOM, to as many Internet companies as you can think of that would be interested in this program.
* But wait, you say. Why would Internet companies send money when, like mine, they’re the ones hurting? Aren’t they the worst possible group to ask for money? NO! In fact, they are the MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND! Why? Because they’re Internet companies! They are proven RISK-TAKERS! They are proven TREND-SETTERS! They have proven they’re NOT VERY GOOD WITH MONEY! In fact, they excel at GIVING MONEY AWAY!
4. This is VERY IMPORTANT! It is illegal to request money for nothing, so you MUST INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING line in the email you send out: “Internet investing is risky.” This is VERY IMPORTANT. DON’T FORGET TO INCLUDE IT. It is “consulting advice,” and it is what you are “selling” for $5,000. (Normally, this kind of advice sells for $100,000 and up! Such a bargain!)
THE LIST: Remember, send $5,000 to EACH of these companies, THEN place your name in the #10 position!
1) YAHOO
2) ECOMPANIES
3) DSL.NET
4) DRKOOP.COM
5) PSINET
6) ETOYS
7) SCIENT
8) WOMEN.COM
9) OXYGEN MEDIA
10) RED HAT
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Before you make your decision as to whether or not you participate in this program, please take a few moments to read these actual testimonials:
TESTIMONIALS:
Frankly, I didn’t have much hope that this program would work. I mean, there was really no compelling reason to give my company money. Despite that, however, within a few weeks the money just starting rolling in. It was like old times.
Chuck Peck, theglobe.com, New York, N.Y.
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Hello. When I received the program I grumbled to about getting “junk mail” and made fun of the whole thing, spouting my knowledge of the online gardening industry. I “knew” it wouldn’t work for Garden.com, so I deleted it. Damn damn damn.
Cliff Sharples, Austin, Texas
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The main reason for this letter is to convince you that this system is honest, lawful, extremely profitable, and is a way to get your Internet company a large amount of money in a short time. Also, my company is also #2 on the list.
Anonymous, Los Angeles, Cal.
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This message was originally written by SatireWire (www.satirewire.com). If this message has reached you in error — that is, if your Internet company is making money — please send your complaints, along with $5,000 in cash, to the company that sent it to you.
DON’T BE THE WEAK LINK! JOIN THE CHAIN! WHEN DOTCOMS SEND MONEY TO EACH OTHER, IT’S A WIN-WIN!!
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