ST. LOUIS, MO (SatireWire.com) — Russia’s incursion into Crimea and the threat of impending bloodshed could not come at a better time, said excited high school history teacher Luis Salgado, who is about to go over the 19th century Crimean War with his usually disinterested sophomore class.
“This Russian aggression is a Godsend,” said Salgado. “Every year I tell my students that the Crimean War was fought from 1854 to 1856 between the Russians and Britain and France and the Ottomans and bla-bla-bla I’ve already lost their attention. Well, just when I’m about to go through it again, boom, the Russians come to the rescue. It’s like (Russian President Vladimir) Putin isn’t just protecting ethnic Russians, he’s looking out for me, too.”
Salgado said he, for one, is hoping a diplomatic solution doesn’t arise before next Wednesday, when he will finish the four-day unit on the Crimean War. While he does not foresee Western involvement in armed combat, Salgado admitted it wouldn’t hurt.
“Imagine the possibilities. Maybe this thing blows up. Maybe we actually go to war with Russia and send U.S. troops to Crimea,” he said. “Some of the kids in my classroom could be wind up getting shot at. That should get their attention. Not all of them, admittedly. Some kids you can never reach.”
Following the unit on Crimea, Salgado said he will begin a two-day unit on the Austro-Prussian War of 1866, a task he said would be made much easier if Germany invades Austria in the next week or so.
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