CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) — Targeting the growing drone market, Boeing today unveiled the 797 Dreamdrone, describing it as the largest, most comfortable and passenger-friendly unmanned aircraft ever made and not at all one of their defective 787 Dreamliners with the windows blacked out.
While the Dreamliner has been grounded by the FAA due to safety problems and seen its sales halted, the new Dreamdrone is immediately available for purchase, company CEO James McNerney told a press conference as he held up a brochure for the 797 that seemed identical to one for the 787, “but obviously isn’t because that would be wrong,” he said.
“The Dreamdrone is the ultimate in drone technology combined with the ultimate in comfort and convenience,” McNerney said. “Really, there’s nothing else like it in the air.”
“Except the 787,” said one reporter.
“Don’t be silly,” McNerney responded. “The 787 isn’t allowed in the air.”
While Boeing is already in the drone-building business, McNerney said the company very recently decided to explore the “high-end drone” market. The resulting 797 Dreamdrone features a much-improved interior environment, with higher humidity, oversized windows, more storage and overhead clearance, LED lighting, a smoother ride, and healthier interior air. Those same features can be found in the 787, as it turns out.
Based on numerous safety issues with the Dreamliner, analysts agreed that building planes that don’t include passengers is probably a good idea for Boeing. Media members, however, were skeptical.
“That thing’s enormous,” said one reporter. “It’ll be easy to spot.”
“Exactly,” said McNerney. “They’ll be lulled into thinking it’s not a drone but a commercial aircraft.”
“Like, say, a 787?” the reporter asked.
“No, it’s a 797,” McNerney replied. “Here, look at the brochure. That’s long enough.”
Asked why a drone would need features like increased humidity and more overhead bins, McNerney said it plays into the drone’s classically deceptive role.
“You wouldn’t expect a it to have all that stuff, and surprise is a key element for these aircraft,” he said. “The enemy will never suspect it. Really, the luxury drone is the definition of counter-intelligence.”
“It’s the definition of a 787,” said a reporter.
“Stop saying that,” McNerney replied.
The Dreamdrone, available in drone-gray, will sell for $400 million, or roughly twice the price of the 787, because the U.S. government is the most likely customer.
Copyright © 2013, SatireWire.com
