ELLISON TO GRADS: DIPLOMAS ARE FOR LOSERS

Oracle CEO Urges Students to Drop out, Start up NEW HAVEN, CONN. (SatireWire.com) – In one of the more controversial commencement addresses in memory, Oracle CEO and college dropout Larry… Read more

INVESTORS STUNNED TO LEARN CISCO NOT JUST STOCK, ALSO COMPANY THAT MAKES THINGS

Betrayed Shareholders Not Particularly Interested in Routers, Switches San Jose, Cal. (SatireWire.com) – The rumors about Cisco Systems have been circulating for months, but the earnings warning and plunge in… Read more

FOOT-AND-MOUTH BELIEVED TO BE FIRST VIRUS UNABLE TO SPREAD THROUGH MICROSOFT OUTLOOK

Researchers Shocked to Finally Find Virus That Email App Doesn’t Like Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com) – Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec’s AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that… Read more

AMERICANS ANNOYED BY "ALL THIS INTERNATIONAL SHIT" ON INTERNET

Web’s Increasingly Worldly Flavor Threatens Americans’ Worldview PULLMAN, WASH. (SatireWire.com) – The profusion of international news available on the Internet has made it increasingly difficult for the average American to… Read more

RECORD 75 MILLION AMERICANS NOW PRETENDING THEY OWN THEIR OWN HOMES

Low Interest Rates Help Many Fulfill The American (Banker’s) Dream Minneapolis, Minn. (SatireWire.com) – Showing no ill effects from a weak economy, housing numbers released by the National Association of… Read more

CORRECTION: BUSH FAINTS AFTER "CHOKING THE PRETZEL," NOT "CHOKING ON PRETZEL"

Presidential History Replete with Euphemisms for Staring at the Stars Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – White House spokesman Ari Fleischer today said a miscommunication with the President’s medical staff caused a… Read more

TORMENTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES, SWITZERLAND ALREADY WANTS TO GO HOME

“The Swiss voted Sunday to join the United Nations, moving their country warily but decisively closer to the international community after centuries of neutrality and independence.” – L.A. Times, March… Read more

POLICE MUST NOTIFY RESIDENTS WHEN CATHOLIC CHURCH MOVES INTO NEIGHBORHOOD

Controversial “Egan’s Law” Expected to Gain Widespread Support Trenton, N.J. (SatireWire.com) – Under a new law designed to protect minors, local police departments will now be required to inform residents… Read more

GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS: SOUTH REGIONAL BREAKDOWN

Don: In the South regional, I love the 5-12 matchup between Microsoft and Cuba. One still a state-run monopoly, the other a monopoly still running from the states. Bill: You… Read more

GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS: MIDEAST REGIONAL BREAKDOWN

Don: With a bracket called the Mideast, you’d expect some pretty fierce matchups, but the committee must have had a history teacher at the helm to steer these teams into… Read more
WordPress Appliance - Powered by TurnKey Linux