U.S. TO SELL OFF UNDERPERFORMING STATES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Yielding to economic pressure, the U.S. will sell off 11 underperforming states by the end of the year, the White House announced today. Read more

U.S. APOLOGIZES FOR BIDEN’S ‘HU’S ON FIRST’ ROUTINE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The United States formally apologized to China today for the behavior of Vice President Joe Biden, who spent nearly an hour prior to Wednesday's state dinner… Read more

U.S. MAY MOVE BACK IN WITH PARENTS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Nearly 235 years after moving out in a massive row, the United States has asked to move back in with Britain “temporarily,” until it can get… Read more

DUVALIER WORRIED HAITI WILL RUN OUT OF PEOPLE TO REPRESS

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti (SatireWire.com) – Exiled dictator Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier today finally explained the reason for his surprise return to Haiti, saying he wanted to get back to his ravaged… Read more

ARIZONA ACCUSED OF 'TRAGEDIZING' POLITICS

TUCSON, AZ (SatireWire.com) -- Accusing the Arizona shootings of callously "tragedizing" politics, hundreds of media pundits gathered in this stricken city today in a vigil for shallow partisanship and angry… Read more

U.S. TO FORGET AFGHANS AHEAD OF 2014 SCHEDULE

KABUL, COUNTRY NEXT TO PAKISTAN (SatireWire.com) -- Vice President Joe Biden today vowed America will not repeat past mistakes by abandoning Afghanistan after U.S. troops leave, but will instead begin… Read more

HOUSE TO READ 'HARRY POTTER' NEXT, THEN ‘VAGINA MONOLOGUES’

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Exhilarated and inspired after reading the U.S. Constitution aloud on Thursday, the House of Representatives voted to recite the full Harry Potter series next, followed by… Read more

OBAMA PANTSED

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – President Obama was pantsed Tuesday by freshmen House Republicans as part of the time-honored scavenger hunt that marks the end of initiation week for new GOP… Read more

NATION’S BIRDS GROUNDED AFTER CRASH

BEEBE, ARK (SatireWire.com) -- The nation’s birds have been grounded pending an investigation into a massive blackbird crash in Arkansas over the weekend. Read more

FACEBOOK SURPASSES MASTURBATION

PALO ALTO, CAL. (SatireWire.com) – In yet another sign of its growing dominance, Facebook today announced it has surpassed masturbation as the world’s most popular way to kill 10 minutes. Read more
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