ITALY TO HALT CRUISE SHIP PROGRAM IN RETURN FOR U.S. AID

ROME (SatireWire.com) – Moments after today’s announcement that North Korea will halt its nuclear program in exchange for 240,000 metric tons of food, Italy agreed to stop operating cruise ships… Read more

STUDY CONCLUDES BEIJING IS 13 HOURS AHEAD OF WASHINGTON

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A three-year government economic study has concluded the U.S. has fallen behind China because Beijing is 13 hours ahead of Washington and therefore knows what’s going… Read more

GAS-PRICE PROTESTER CAN’T AFFORD TO SET HIMSELF ON FIRE

LOS ANGELES, CA (SatireWire.com) – A desperate 33-year-old man attempting to set himself on fire to protest rising gas prices abandoned his demonstration today after he was unable to afford… Read more

GOOGLE TO BECOME 'GOOGLE-BFF' – 'SO TELL US EVERYTHING'

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to stamp out any objections to the vast amount of personal information it gathers, Google today said it has changed its name… Read more

OBAMA CONDEMNED FOR SLEEPING LAST NIGHT

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a gaffe that may cost Barack Obama the election, the White House today admitted the President slept last night, a revelation that outraged Republicans who… Read more

JEREMY LIN SETS KNICKS RECORD FOR NOT SUCKING

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – With seven consecutive strong games under his belt, point guard sensation Jeremy Lin has set a New York Knicks franchise record for not sucking. Read more

SYRIA CRISIS IMPELS U.N. MEMBERS TO CONSIDER SKIPPING LUNCH

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- As the Syrian crisis deepens amid daily attacks on innocent civilians, United Nations delegates today said they had no choice but to seriously consider skipping lunch… Read more

CNN ACCIDENTALLY AIRS FOOTAGE OF UPCOMING U.S.-IRAN WAR

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- Pentagon officials were furious with CNN today after the network failed to respect a media embargo and accidentally aired footage of a successful Navy missile strike from… Read more

GOVT ADMITS IT AIMED RULE AT ONE PARTICULARLY HOT CATHOLIC NURSE

WASHINGTON (SatireWire.com) – The administration today backed off a requirement that religious employers provide birth control coverage after conceding the entire rule was actually written in a government attempt to… Read more

OBAMA SERIOUSLY STARTING TO THINK GOP ISN'T EVEN TRYING

WASHINGTON (SatireWire.com) – With yet another flawed front-runner taking the lead in a GOP campaign seemingly bent on self-destruction, President Obama today privately told friends he is starting to think… Read more
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