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QUICK HITS:
¤ Windows Not a Virus

¤ 85% of Jobless Say They're Not Just Statistic

¤ Central Bank to Intervene in Football Matches

¤ Homeless Reclassified as "Mobile Internet Users"

¤ SITES OFFER LARGE PRINT

¤ Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

¤ French Strike for Greater Productivity

¤ Israel Offers Palestinians Virtual State for $49.95/Mo.

¤ Intel Has Smaller Chips; AMD Smaller Employees

¤ Ford Recalls Chrysler Minivans

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SATIREWIRE HAS LANDED
New Haven, Conn. — Citing creative differences, SatireWire's founder and sole employee, Andrew Marlatt, announced in August of 2002 that the site would no longer be updated. That's still the case.

A FEW SATIREWIRE SELECTIONS
Read 'Em Again for the First Time

STUDY: WOMEN WHO DRINK MORE FUN TO STUDY

GOD NAMES NEXT CHOSEN PEOPLE

REMAINING U.S. CEOs MAKE A BREAK FOR IT

RELIGIOUS MERGER CREATES 900 MILLION HINJEWS

VIAGRA SPILL REVIVES LAKE MICHIGAN

THE AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL

MISS SATIREWIRE? BUY THE BOOK!

JUPITER APPARENTLY DOING SOMETHING WRONG

KNIVES, TANKS, WHALES - AIRPORT
SCREENERS NOW FAILING TO CATCH ANYTHING

HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS DEMAND WARS
IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC

YOU NEVER VISIT YOUR MOTHER'S WEB SITE

CANADIAN WARSHIP SEIZES TANKER IN... WAIT...
CANADA HAS A WARSHIP?

SUPREME COURT RULES EARNINGS
SHOULD BE PROTECTED AS "ART"

THE SOU'WESTER ALLIANCE

ACLU TAKES OVER TERROR INVESTIGATION, WILL
FOCUS ATTENTION ON NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

GLOBAL MARCH MADNESS

POLICE MUST NOTIFY RESIDENTS WHEN
CATHOLIC CHURCH MOVES INTO NEIGHBORHOOD

SWISS TAUNTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES

BUSH CHOKES "THE" PRETZEL, NOT "ON" PRETZEL

AMERICANS PRETENDING THEY OWN THEIR OWN HOMES

AMERICANS ANNOYED BY "ALL THIS
INTERNATIONAL SHIT" ON THE INTERNET

FOOT-AND-MOUTH BELIEVED TO BE FIRST VIRUS
UNABLE TO SPREAD THROUGH MICROSOFT OUTLOOK

INVESTORS STUNNED TO LEARN CISCO NOT JUST STOCK,
ALSO COMPANY THAT MAKES THINGS

SALLY STRUTHERS ASKS YOU TO SAVE THE DOT-COMS

EMPLOYEE-SLAPPING WIDESPREAD, EFFECTIVE

ELLISON TO GRADS: DIPLOMAS ARE FOR LOSERS

AT&T TO CUT WORKFORCE 120 PERCENT

LOVING CARE FOR THE TECHNICALLY SPARE

STUDY FINDS YOU REALLY DON'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE

NATION HAVING HARD TIME GIVING SHIT
ABOUT AOL-TIME WARNER MERGER

JUDGE DENIES BIAS AGAINST "GUILTY MICROSOFT BASTARDS"

CUBISTS LAUNCH UNNAVIGABLE WEB SITE

INTERVIEW WITH THE SEARCH ENGINE

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