It is the purpose of privacy policies to be lengthy and abstruse, and to use terms like "abstruse," which keeps you, the reader, from figuring out what it is Web sites are really doing with the names, social security numbers, and credit card balances they have acquired by secretly taking control of your computer. SatireWire is not into this, mostly because we just don't have the time. So here, in short, is the lay of things:
US
SatireWire itself does not collect any personally identifiable information about its visitors. That said, we do want to know what pages our visitors like, so our fancy traffic measurement software does place a cookie on visiting computers, which gives us that information, and tells us if he/she/it is a returning or new computer. It doesn't do much else, which is kind of disappointing. We thought it could at least record the wind speeds in your location.
THEM
Now, third parties serve ads to SatireWire, and in so doing place their own cookies on your computer. They use information (NOT including your name, address, email address or telephone number) about your visits to this and other Web sites which are used to serve you ads both here and abroad (at other sites). However, these cookies are non-personally identifiable, and if you wish you can even opt out of having this anonymous information shared with 3rd parties by clicking here: http://www.networkadvertising.org/optout_nonppii.asp .
SUBSCRIBERS TO SATIREWIRE ALERT
SatireWire does not reveal or share any personally identifiable information about the subscribers to our weekly alert with any third party, nor do we in any way, shape, or form use this information to spam you with SatireWire-related stuff. Unless something really important happens that we just have to share with you or we'll bust, you just get the weekly update, and it doesn't even have ads.
SATIRICAL PREROGATIVE
SatireWire reserves to right to change its privacy policies at any time, except maybe Monday nights, cause we're usually playing basketball then.
