New Satire for the New Economy
SatireWire |


History Tour T-Shirts and UmWear. V. Funny, V. Smart

Cool Estate Jewelry. Impress her for once.

Throw Your Best Party Yet.

It's not news, it's Drew's.

It's not Drew, it's Brian

Flag Hill Winery

The Angel Anthony Group
e-solutions for your business

'Robert Moskowitz' now 4th Most Popular Name for Newborns

DENVER, COL. ( — The average salary for people named Robert Moskowitz continues to outpace the per capita income of the average American, according to the 3rd annual Robert Moskowitz Salary SurveyTM.

The average income for Americans named Robert Moskowitz was $45,000 in 2000, the third straight year it surpassed average U.S. per capita income, which was $27,250 in 2000. Salaries for Robert Moskowitzs also rose 8.4 percent from 1999 to 2000, more than double the average increase among working Americans, according to the survey, which annually contacts the 46 working Americans known to be named Robert Moskowitz.

It's Good to be a Moskowitz

Robert Moskowitz, director of the salary survey, attributed the disparity to the "industrious nature" of people named Robert Moskowitz, citing survey results showing that all 46 respondents said they intended to make more money next year.

"Once again, the name Robert Moskowitz is associated with success," said Moskowitz. "If I'm having children, I would keep that in mind."

In fact, according to a recent survey in Mom and/or Dad magazine, the name Robert Moskowitz is now the fourth most popular name for newborn males, ranked behind only Tyler, Bradley, and Dylan. "We're assuming that's got to be a result of the (Robert Moskowitz Salary) Survey," said Mom and/or Dad editor Jacqueline Toule. "Parents want their children to be successful and are looking for any edge they can get. If they have to name their child Robert Moskowitz Carloni, or Robert Moskowitz O'Reilly, that's what they'll do."

However, critics of the survey are starting to emerge, arguing that the salary average among those named Robert Moskowitz is a result of gender and geographic bias, not the name itself. "Half of all Robert Moskowitzs in the United States live in New York, New Jersey, and California, states which also have higher per capita incomes than the national average," said Alice Bell, chairman of the National Alliance for People Named Alice Bell. "Plus it's a male name, and male income exceeds female income."

Responded salary survey founder Robert Moskowitz, (no relation to survey director Robert Moskowitz): "Yeah, well, the truth is, Alice Bell wishes she had a cool name like Robert Moskowitz."

Officials from the U.S. Department of People Named Kevin could not be reached for comment.


Copyright © 2000, SatireWire.

Back to Top

UmThings: we sell, um, things


SatireWire is intended for use by those age 18 and older. All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. Please read our disclaimer. All contents Copyright © 1999-2003, SatireWire, LLC. All rights reserved.

Computer Reviews - Panic Attacks and Anxiety Disorders - Startup Ideas & Small Business Advice - Trade Suppliers Directory - Wholesale Forum - Wholesale Marketplace & Trade Suppliers - Wholesale Directory - Crazy Slots Casino