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Expects $400 Billion Bid for His Baby

WASHINGTON, D.C. ( — Vice President Al Gore has put the Internet up for sale on auction site eBay, explaining that while he will miss his creation, he needs money to duel Republican presidential contender George W. Bush in the stretch run to November.

"It's been fun, and I'm very proud of having invented it, but I think the Internet will do just fine without me at the helm every day," said Gore, who has set the minimum bid at $1, but hopes to make $400 billion on the sale. The auction will last for 10 days.

Gore's eBay Listing

Bush wasted no time in criticizing the auction, insisting Gore did not create the entire Internet, as the vice president has previously claimed.

"It is the height of hubris, very high up, very tall, for my opposition to claim dibs on the Internet," said Bush, speaking off microphone to running mate Dick Cheney. "I'll tell you right now, he should not be claiming as his part the Texas part. I have been an integrated supporter of the high-Texas industry in tech, so that part, that Texas Tech part, of the Internet, that's really mine, and, I think, Texas A&M too."

Bush aides, meanwhile, questioned the sale on "influence" grounds, arguing that whoever buys the Internet from Gore will be making what is in essence a massive campaign contribution, and will therefore exert undue control over the vice president.

"Mr. Gore and his bureacRATS in the DemocRATic Party will be beholden to whichever rich plutocRAT or plutocRATS bids the most," said Bush spokesman Neil Henley, who insisted his rather peculiar inflection was the result of a sinus infection and that nothing should be read into it. "We believe the sale by AL GORE IS A RATher questionable thing for the Vice PresiRAT to do."

In response, a Gore spokeswoman insisted the Democratic campaign has placed safeguards into the auction to fight accusations of influence. "The Vice President has personally prayed to Joe Lieberman to watch over the morality of this sale," said press aide Andrea Gartner.


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