Provider of Satire
SatireWire |


History Tour T-Shirts and UmWear. V. Funny, V. Smart

Cool Estate Jewelry. Impress her for once.

Throw Your Best Party Yet.

It's not news, it's Drew's.

It's not Drew, it's Brian

Flag Hill Winery

The Angel Anthony Group
e-solutions for your business


NEW HAVEN, CONN. ( — And now, just in time for the Fall, caustic site design critic Mr. Clickwell reviews the biggest sites on the Internet and finds their Web wardrobes (gasp!) wanting. From MSN ("Please, don't bother breaking up Microsoft, just break up this Web site!"), to AOL ("Three words: Red, White, and Bloated") to eBay ("This site is a bowling shirt come to life"), Mr. Clickwell spares no one.

Click on the site names if you want to judge for yourself.


Salon, my precious pedagogue, wherefore art the art? You're supposed to be stylish, hip, and ever-so intriguing. Was your navigation bar attacked by the 1950s? We all learned to stack blocks in kindergarten, dear; time to move on. Really, curves can be useful and sexy. Utilisez quelques! And just a hint: you've got scads of white readers, fine, but do you have to belabour the point by using so much white space? It's Heir Gilligan's Web site: the content says The Professor, but the layout says Aryan.


All hail the Red, White, and Bloated. I know why the Europeans have problems with the AOL/Time Warner merger, darling. It's style, style, style. The Cross-Pond-Posse is anti-fat, and the only thing that could make AOL more "fleshy" would be to join the "Flash-y" site TimeWarner has produced. But Mr. C can be nice. TW's site is much more appealing than AOL's. Its Flash animation even features a shot of raven-haired Christiane Amanpour — standing, apparently, in the backwash of an F-16. Wardrobe! Give that woman a hat!


Yahoo! is supposed to be the busiest on the Internet. I'll say. This site's fashion incognoscenti must find their inspiration from Where's Waldo? The only thing I can find easily is exasperation. Oh, and can someone please tell these people that the logo they designed in their college dorm using Windows Paint has done its duty? Find a nice, quiet pasture somewhere and let it gambol its remaining days in peace. Then shoot it.

continued on next page...

UmThings: we sell, um, things