INTRO PAGE 2001 Winners STRICTLY SPAM STRICT RUNNER-UP FREESTYLE FREE RUNNER-UP 2000 Winners STRICTLY SPAM FREESTYLE SatireWire Poems THIS IS NOT SPAM! SPAM RAP GIZA WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME? CONTEST RULES

SATIREWIRE'S 2ND ANNUAL POETRY SPAM

2001 FREESTYLE WINNER:
"I Answered All My Spam"
by Alex Silbajoris, Columbus, Ohio

I Answered All My Spam

I never know what I might find,
on any day I go online.
I used to get in quite a huff,
while wading through unwanted stuff.
But then I changed the man I am,
the day I answered all my spam.

Now every time I check my box,
I load up on fantastic stocks.
I'll gladly say I felt no loss,
when, with a smile, I fired my boss.
With just one click, the best thing yet,
I freed myself of all my debt.

I have, paying a few small fees,
ten university degrees.
Now that I'm losing all this weight,
I'm sure, someday, I'll get a date.
Instead of going to a show,
I spy on everyone I know.
(That's easy, since I have in hand,
this nifty wireless video cam.)

I spend my evenings viewing screens,
of barely legal horny teens.
And with a little credit charge,
Whoopee! My penis was enlarged!
Meanwhile these shots of Britney Spears
should be enough to last for years.

And so I lead this online life,
my monitor is now my wife.
It has become my greatest dream,
to launch my own get-rich-quick scheme.
And if you think you might get missed,
relax, you're on my e-mail list.

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