Up the E-conomy
SatireWire |


History Tour T-Shirts and UmWear. V. Funny, V. Smart

Cool Estate Jewelry. Impress her for once.

Throw Your Best Party Yet.

It's not news, it's Drew's.

It's not Drew, it's Brian

Flag Hill Winery

The Angel Anthony Group
e-solutions for your business

Briefs in a Brief
Briefs Archives
Brief Archive 4
Brief Archive 3
Brief Archive 2
Brief Archive 1

Airlines Drop Arrival, Departure Times
Newark, N.J. ( — Responding to a dramatic rise in complaints over flight delays, several major airlines announced today they will no longer attach "stress-inducing" numbers to arrival and departure times, but will instead use a variety of pleasant, calming nicknames. For example, Continental Airlines' 10 a.m. Newark-to-San Francisco flight will now leave at "Snookums" and arrive at "Tooey." The airlines also said they would deal with two other common complaints — lost baggage and cramped seating — by increasing leg room in their lost luggage departments.


¤ Big Tobacco Can't Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

¤ Airlines Drop Arrival, Departure Times

¤ CDNow Wins Patent on "Money-Losing Business Model"

¤ Ordered To Display Warning Label

¤ IMF Rate Hike Suggestion Proves Hike Not Needed

¤ OPEC Relents, Will "Suck Earth Dry"

¤ New Web Site for Those Without Net Access

¤ Airlines "Disappointed" by Mid-Air Merger Test

¤ "Love Bug" Is "Worm," Hackers "Twits

¤ Priceline Launches "Name Price for Bail"

¤ StarMedia, "AOL of Latin America," Unveils Busy Signals

¤ MP3 to Steal, Sell Your Stuff

¤ Tears Shed on Emotional Day for Stocks

¤ Consumer Confidence Falls; Teens Questioned

¤ AOL Profits from Gumboless Space

¤ FBI Targets Paranoid

¤ Kellogg's Nailed for "Bundling"

¤ Free Computers Not Free; Nation's Idiots in Denial

Copyright © 2000, SatireWire.

Back to Top

UmThings: we sell, um, things


SatireWire is intended for use by those age 18 and older. All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. Please read our disclaimer. All contents Copyright © 1999-2003, SatireWire, LLC. All rights reserved.

Computer Reviews - Panic Attacks and Anxiety Disorders - Startup Ideas & Small Business Advice - Trade Suppliers Directory - Wholesale Forum - Wholesale Marketplace & Trade Suppliers - Wholesale Directory - Crazy Slots Casino